The Most Irritating Advert to Ever Clog Up the Airwaves

Adverts, eh? Who actually likes them? Even the good ones have a false kind of enjoyment about them. Yeah, that meerkat is cute, but he is preventing you from watching Buffy. These things need to be taken into consideration.

Recently I have been confronted by, what I think, is easily the worst advert ever. It’s one that most people think is pretty inoffensive as well. It’s one that people sit back and think oh, isn’t that kind! It’s very informative and could be potentially averting the health crisis that we are told is imminent every waking hour of our lives. Yep, it’s that odious, smug, self satisfied rant to free choice that is EAT LESS, MOVE MORE, LIVE LONGER. Change4Life.

Before we move onto anything overtly political I need to point out the grammatical problems. I need to, OK? Just let it go. They couldn’t be bothered to keep the alliteration going through all three of the slogans. That’s just laziness. It’s not that hard to do either. They could have had Eat Economically, or Consume Consciously, or Scoff Stringently. And then there’s that dreaded ‘4’. Trying to be all cool and trendy are we? Knob off. You’re the government. You’re not supposed to be cool and trendy. You supposed to be steadfast and wise and not subject to pathetic (and irritating) little fads. If the government really wanted to be ‘down with the people’ we’d have had an election already. If you’re gonna run a country, at least know how to speak its language.

Clearly the government thinks that the people it’s talking to are too stupid to be given proper English. Or maybe they don’t want to use words that might be too ‘difficult’ for all those poor little mites out there who just *sniff sniff* don’t know how to look after themselves.

The people who made that advert must have a pretty low opinion of the population of Great Britain. We all need to be told that exercise is good for you, spending your entire life sat on the sofa eating chocolate is not so good and being unhealthy gives you a worse quality of life. And what’s worse is this opinion is spreading. Now the comfortably off middle classes, who even in this recession can afford organic vegetable and fat free tofu, are convinced that we’re over run with obese, ignorant snobs and jeer and pity those on council estates who can’t shop at Waitrose not because capitalism has given them a dud hand, but because they’re too stupid to know what to feed themselves. Being a university student I'm exposed to this point of view a lot and every time someone espouses it I want to punch them.

The new one is the worst. It actually sits there and tells people how to look after their kids. People jump up and down when an issue like increased tax breaks for single parents comes up. The Nanny State has gotten too big! Well, this really is the Nanny State. Looking after the next generation because, clearly, we cannot.

And the science is dodgy. That advert claims with pride that deposits of fat in the body can lead to cancer. The dreaded ‘C’ word. One of those words that silences debate dead in its tracks with its taboo connotations. Can’t argue with it. it causes cancer. Except it doesn’t. The links between obesity and cancer and tenuous to say the least. Most scientists agree that it’s a classic case of correlation not causation. People who are more likely to be overweight are also more likely to smoke, live in substandard housing and work in jobs that expose them to things like cleaning products and asbestos dust. You know, things that have a much sounder scientific link to cancer.

But ultimately this represents the loss of free choice. You’re not allowed to eat what you want. You’re not allowed to feed and bring up your kids how you want. You must live exactly the way we tell you too.

Not that I'm not supporting healthy lifestyles, I just think that there’s been a convenient lack of acknowledgment that there’s more than one way to be healthy coupled with an almost Orwellian desire to keep the general public in check. As far as I'm concerned there’s only two people who can tell you whether you live a healthy lifestyle or not, you and your doctor.

Change4Life, fuck off!

Peace and love to everyone else x